


We Found Love In A Silicone Crime Scene

by chuckshurley



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, Crack, Fluff, Humour, M/M, Set before Season 1, Sex Shop, The Winchesters are still hunters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 12:49:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1649189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuckshurley/pseuds/chuckshurley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A destiel sex shop au prompted by this text post: http://fionagallagherrr.tumblr.com/post/76778816278</p><p>This was meant to be fluff but it might slowly decline into crack due to subject nature. I apologise in advance. This is set before Season 1, when Sam and Dean were teenagers and still hunted with John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A wolf whistle rang out, followed by the abrupt slamming shut of a copy of _The Status of Secularized Ex-Religious Clerics_ by Edelhard Louis Schneider.

Castiel was never going to get used to Gabriel's new doorbell. 

The golden-haired twenty-six year old had found the paraphernalia in a Kansas joke store and, upon being told multiple times that it was _not for sale_ , proceeded to return later that night to disarm the door alarm himself. He'd then placed a whoopie cushion under the store owner's office seat, and whistled his way back to his own store to install his new doorbell. Castiel was still waiting for the day the victim of the theft would storm in and sue his brother for all he was worth; reason number one Castiel cursed his brother the moment the smartly dressed young police officer entered the store.

Reason number two was, of course, of a slightly higher priority to the dark-haired teenager. He had a religious studies quiz in less that an hour and the class was on the other side of town. He had planned to skim through chapter eight, a section he was slightly rusty on, one more time before closing up the store and biking downtown. Technically, it was not in his job description to close up shop at three in the afternoon but he'd gotten into the habit of doing it months ago when he had first discovered that Gabriel had not been returning to hold down the fort when Castiel had school to attend to. That was the day that Castiel has taken it upon himself to get copies made of both Gabriel's shop and house key (there was an offer on and Gabriel had cupboards full of junk food that his poor, college student brother would not mind indulging in).

After glancing once more towards the clock, Castiel offered the young officer a smile and a (frankly quite sleazy, in Castiel's opinion, but Gabriel insisted) wink.

"Welcome to _Dickster's_ , how may I be of service today?"

No, Castiel was not a hooker.

He was a sex shop employee. Way more dignified.

"Hi, uh, my name is Agent Bonham, FBI." The man stated, flashing a badge for Castiel's, albeit short, inspection. _Okay, not a police officer_ , he thought, growing increasingly concerned with which federal offence Gabriel had committed this time. There is no way the state were intervening for a stolen doorbell. "I'm here to investigate the death of one Anna Milton; I'm going to need to take a look at your, uh, products." The green-eyed agent said, gesturing toward a wall of obnoxiously bright silicone.

"Of course." Castiel agreed, gruffly, blue eyes wide. He nodded once, hesitantly, before turning back to his textbook, though his mind was distracted struggling to connect murder with Gabriel's sex toys. Were they made from toxic materials? Perhaps they were laced with poisonous chemicals. Castiel shook his head, assuring himself that this was absurd. Gabriel may be irresponsible, but he was not an idiot. He would have checked that the toys had good reviews from other shop owners before buying. If nothing else, Gabriel cared for customer satisfaction.

He resolved to wait fifteen minutes, read his book as to not arouse suspicion, and then inquire as to whether the agent had found what he was looking for. Then the man would leave and Castiel would be free to cycle to class with a few minutes to spare. If not, well, class could wait. Who knows when Gabriel may decide to grace them with his presence; the only thing worse than Gabriel harassing potential customers is Gabriel harassing potential murder investigators.

Oh, Castiel was so screwed. 


	2. Chapter 2

After five minutes scanning the store, both with and without a small mechanical device Castiel could only assume aided in FBI communication (perhaps the man was waiting on a call?), the young agent turned back and stepped toward the front desk.

"Alright um", the man glanced down at Castiel's phallic shaped nametag. He _really_ was not being paid enough to work here. "Castell. Castiel? Can I call you Cas, man?" 

"I-"

"Alright, Cas. Your product seem, um, clean enough. I'm just goin' to need to ask you a few questions and then I can be on my way. First, have you noticed any weird smells? Weird like, uh, sulfur?" Oh god. Gabriel is stocking sulfur contaminated dildos? Castiel reached up to rub his temples; he did not need this on his criminal record. Hell, he did not need a criminal record at all.

"No."

"Um, any electrical difficulties? Lights flickering? Vibrators operating themselves?"

"What? No. The lights behave consistently and all of our toys are battery operated." Castiel assured the agent, his brow furrowed.

"Right. Well, that's all I needed to know. I'll be back if we come up with anything else."

"Yes. Hopefully Gabriel will be present in the future." The agent looked up.

"Gabriel?"

"Yes." Had Castiel revealed to much- was his brother already wanted by the federal government? "Gabriel is my older brother. He owns the store."

"I see. I should'a known- you do seem a bit young to run a sex shop, man." Castiel's eyes widened. Now he  _had_ revealed too much. He was not strictly sure of the legal age regarding part-time work in a Kansas adult store but did have his suspicions that nineteen was below that number.

"Ah. I am twenty-one years old. I'm in college. The University of Kansas, specifically. I would show you my license but it appears I left it in my apartment. Which I have- because I'm twenty-one", he hastened to add. To Castiel's surprise, his ramblings were soon cut short with a deep chuckle.  

"Relax, Cas. I ain't goin' to grass you in. Way beyond my pay grade", the man added with a wink the dark-haired man would later question had even occurred. "Hey, could you tell me when the boss'll be in? I'm goin' to need to ask him some questions too. Routine stuff, you know?"  

"Yes, I- I understand. Gabriel, he is rather uh, capricious." Insouciant, honestly. "I can get him here for twelve tomorrow though if you can return then?" Castiel made a mental note to add a share bag of _M &M's_ to this evening's shopping list. If he was going to get his brother's attention, he would require bait.

"Yeah? Yeah, that'd be great. Twelve. I'll see you tomorrow then, Cas." The agent smiled, turning to leave.

 _Can't wait._ Castiel shook his head clear of that thought, thankful that he was one to think before he spoke, before lifting his messenger bag to let it thump down upon the desk. Packing away his textbook, Castiel quickly calculated a journey. If he took the route through the park, he could still make it to class in time for the quiz.


End file.
